I look better un-naked...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
