At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
