The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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