if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i came on her dog
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
