Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
