I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
