i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
