ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
