Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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