So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
