Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
