Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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