YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
