he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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