Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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