Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
