I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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