Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
