My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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