Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
