o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
