Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
