i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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