please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
