ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
