Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
