I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
