Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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