The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
