my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
