Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
