he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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