I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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