chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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