i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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