It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
