Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
