Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
