we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
