i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
