you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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