My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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