i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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