Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
