One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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