There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
