I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
