one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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