I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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