My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I need to calm my uterus...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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