all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
