if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Is it because I queefed?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
