Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
