You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
