the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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